Christmas Rum Cookies

  • 1 cup of dark brown sugar
  • 1 cup (2 sticks) butter
  • 1 cup of granulated sugar
  • 4 large eggs
  • 2 cups of dried fruit, such as dried cranberries or raisins
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp fresh lemon juice
  • 1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 bottle Old Oak Rum (white or gold, as desired)

  • Sample the Rum to check quality.


    Take a large bowl, check the Rum again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

    Turn on the electric mixer.

    Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

    Add one teaspoon of sugar.

    Beat again.

    At this point it's best to make sure that the RUM is still OK, try another cup just in case.

    Turn off the mixerer thingy.

    Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

    Pick the dropped fruit up off floor.

    Mix on the turner.

    If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

    Sample the Rum to check for tonsisticity.

    Next, sivvt two cups of shalt, or something, whatever.

    Check the Rum again.

    Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

    Add one tablefull of that one shtuff.

    Add a spoon of shuga, or somefink. Whatever.

    Everthing looksh the zame.

    Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

    Pick your dropped self up off the floor and try not to giggle. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

    Special Thanks to F. Assad-Perry for the recipe.

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